California woman Tania Warchol is the one cracking the whip this time, spanking (heh) a class-action lawsuit against E.L. James and her less-than-effective brand of lubricant. Why, you ask? It didn’t give her the “soul-grabbing” orgasm Anastasia Steele promised.

After purchasing the Fifty Shades of Grey Come Alive Pleasure Gel For Her, “on at least two occasions” from Lovehoney’s Official Pleasure Collection, approved by James, Warchol was a less than satisfied customer. By Thursday, Warchol filed for a lawsuit saying the product’s claim to have customers “experience enhanced orgasms and stimulation as every tingle, touch, and vibration intensifies” was anything but. The formal complaint also states, “Based on Defendants’ representations, Plantiff believed the Product has powerful aphrodisiac qualities and would increase her sexual pleasure as advertised. The Product did not deliver the purported benefits.”

No complaint was mentioned on the product’s failure to produce a young, handsome Seattle millionaire with a tormented past and a taste for kink.

Warchol’s suit also questions the lubricant’s legal qualifications, as it is currently unregistered by the Food and Drug Administration even though federal law states “aphrodisiac” type drugs must be approved by the FDA. Most importantly is the gel’s false claim to be “latex compatible,” which also has not been registered by the FDA. Because the product fails to meet these standards, Warchol claims it is being “illegally marketed.”

Warchol continues her crusade against E.L. James’s fictional miracle lubricant, claiming the product violates California’s competition and false advertising laws, as well as the Consumer Legal Remedies Act. She hopes to receive a refund for her purchase, as well as payment for “damages,” which the Hollywood Reporter does not elaborate on.

Overall, Warchol seems justified in her outrage and choice to take legal action. After all, pleasure lubricant that does not deliver could start an epidemic of normal sex that lacks resemblance to a sensationalistic fantasy created by a fanfiction writer.

How very vanilla.