A new study suggests the key to better sex isn't the hottest new sex toy, or a crazy position, but rather your attitude on love and destiny. According to the research, individuals who believe that love and hot sex are something that require time and work are happier and more sexually satisfied than those who believe in soulmates and instant sexual chemistry.

The study, published online in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, found that our sexual satisfaction is based largely on the attitudes we have towards our relationship. Individuals who invest heavily in beliefs of soulmates and destined lovers are less likely to report long-term sexually satisfying relationships. And the reverse is true, too.

Read: Research Shows 1 In 7 Adults Are Not With Their True Love

For the research, scientists from the University of Toronto and Dalhousie University, both in Canada, conducted a total of 6 studies aimed to investigate which factors played a role in couples' relationship and sexual satisfaction. This involved interviewing a wide variety of couples, including those who lived together, those who were still in college, and even new parents. Couples were asked how strongly they agreed with certain statements meant to reflect either sexual soulmate or sexual growth ideologies, Psychology Today reported.

affection Searching for true love may prevent you from getting satisfied in the bedroom. Photo Courtesy of Pixabay

Results revealed close ties between the belief in sexual growth, and higher relationship and sexual satisfaction.

According to the researchers, this may be because individuals who believe in soulmates are more likely to view early hints of relationship problems as a sign that a couple is not “meant to be” and may pull away at the first sign of perceived incompatibility. They had no room for growth in their idea of what an ideal sexual relationship was, and therefore were more likely to report lower relationship quality and less satisfaction in bed.

“Individuals high in sexual destiny beliefs think that the quality of their sex life will predict their relationship success, meaning they use their sexual relationship as a barometer for how their overall relationship is functioning,” explained the researchers, Psychology Today reported.

In reality, however, the team explained that a healthy and satisfying relationship is one where both partners work to resolve sexual differences. This is something that is more commonly seen among individuals who have “sexual growth beliefs.” What’s more, believing in sexual growth also seemed to have a protective effect on couples' relationships through tough times, such as after the birth of a child.

While romantic in concept, in reality, searching for your “soul mate” is not an ideal way to go about dating. In fact, according to a 2013 UK survey on about 2,000 individuals, as many as 1 in seven people surveyed claimed to be in a relationship and even married to someone they did not consider “the love of their life,” The Telegraph reported. Still, happiness does not rely on chasing after a unicorn mate, and in the end, it’s best to throw away this nearly impossibly ideology of true love, and spend your time and effort working on perfecting the love that you already have found.

Source: Maxwell MA, Muise M, MacDonald G, Day LC, Rosen NO, Impett EA. How implicit theories of sexuality shape sexual and relationship well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology . 2017

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