Sexual fantasies, whether kinky or mind-blowing, reveal our innermost desires. As sexual creatures, we at times secretly daydream, but how much do we know about these lustful thoughts?

The human tendency to indulge in a range of erotic fantasies stems from the need to satisfy our sexual needs while heightening our feelings of contentment and relaxation with a sexual partner. Now, whether you’re in a single or long-term relationship, it’s normal to feel hesitant about sharing these fantasies with a partner. However, a 2014 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found both men and women listed “having sex in an unusual place” (an office, for example), “having sex in a romantic location,” and “masturbating my partner” in their top 10 sexual fantasies. So while you think your fantasies are abnormal or atypical, chances are they are the same as the next person.

Take a look at a few fascinating tidbits about sexual fantasies that will actually make you feel normal.

1. Men have about twice as many thoughts about sex as women.

The average male has 19 thoughts about sex a day, while the average female has about 10 thoughts a day, according to a 2012 study published in the Journal of Sex Research. The male participants in the study also had more thoughts about food and sleep, which suggests they may be more prone to indulgent impulses overall. Or, these men are more likely to count any feeling as a thought or a combination of these two variables.

2. Most of us have fantasies about the same things.

Threesomes are commonly fantasized about, while golden showers are not. The nature of these fantasies does vary among the general population, and a few fantasies are actually considered rare, unusual, or typical. For example, most women fantasize about sex in a romantic location, while most males fantasize about receiving oral sex and having sex with two women, according to the 2014 study.

3. Women’s fantasies are more emotionally charged.

Women’s sexual fantasies, compared to men’s, are driven by emotion. In these fantasies, women emphasized touching, the partner’s feelings, her physical and emotional responses to what was going on, and the mood and atmosphere of the sexual encounter, according to a 1995 study published in the journal Psychological Bulletin. Women were also more likely to fantasize about someone they were or had been involved with, and even focused on the personal details of their partner, such as their ability to arouse emotionally and sexually.

Handcuffs, high heel, and underwear
Handcuffs, high heels, and underwear on a bed. Photo courtesy of

4. Women have more fantasies during ovulation.

During ovulation, women are more likely to have sexual fantasies due to a rise in libido from an increase in testosterone. A 2012 study published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior found in the first half of a woman’s cycle, fantasies tend to focus more on the physical attributes of a fantasy partner as estrogen rises. However, once ovulation starts, fantasies are more arousing and are more focused on emotions.

5. Men indulge in a wider variety of fantasies.

Men have active imaginations when it comes to sexual fantasies. In the 2014 study, men were interested in more of the 55 fantasies listed in a survey and were more willing to describe their favorite fantasy more vividly than women. These men also expressed a stronger desire to make their fantasies a reality.

6. Both men and women care about romance in fantasies.

Men and women are very romantic when it comes to their sexual relationship. When asked “I like to feel romantic emotions during a sexual relationship,” 88 percent of men and 92 percent of women agreed, according to the 2014 study. Moreover, both men and women fantasized about sex in romantic locations, 78 percent and 85 percent, respectively. This suggests both men and women have romantic fantasies involving their partner or loved one.

7. The state of a man or woman’s relationship will influence their fantasies.

A man or woman’s relationship can determine the type of sexual fantasies they are more likely to have. A 2011 study published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found sexual fantasies can reveal a lot about partners’ feelings about each other and their personalities regarding relationships in general. Partners who were anxiously attached to their partner had sexual fantasies related to emotional intimacy, like having affection show toward them. In comparison, partners who had a fear of abandonment had fantasies that tended to be aggressive and less emotional.

Sexual fantasies have the ability to not only reveal carnal desires, but partners’ personalities, relationships, and feelings regarding their sexual partners.