If you’re single, you’re probably used to hearing things like, “You’ll find the one when you least expect it,” or “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else.” And while these phrases are overdone and annoying, they also hold some truth. This video from The School of Life examines why only people who are happy being single will find love.

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As the narrator explains, we shouldn’t be in such a hurry to make a choice, as is often the case when you don’t enjoy being alone. This rush makes us choose unwisely as we are so focused on coupling up that we don’t actually stop and think if this is the person we want to be with. When being single feels unbearable, then dating anyone seems like a good choice; we care more about shedding loneliness than our actual partner.

The video advises us to find peace with the idea of being in solitude for many years. However, as The School of Life says, after a certain age, there is a stigma with not being in a relationship. As you hang out with friends who are bound by relationships, sometimes your own lack of marriage will remind them of something they missed, causing them to create some distance from you.

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The School of Life believes that rushing to be a part of a couple will force us to cling to the first decent person, which isn’t necessarily the person best suited for you. The narrator states that prior to sexual liberation, many chose to marry in order to have sex. However, this is no longer the case in today’s society. The video makes a case that we need to do the same things with relationships and liberate companionship from the shackles of coupledom (the narrator’s words). The School of Life reinforces the message that we can only be with someone on the basis of their true merits when we are happy alone. While the message isn’t new, this video is a good reminder if you’re stuck in a dating rut.

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