Have you ever hesitated to ask someone for a favor in fear they would say no? If so, you’re definitely not alone, and this video from The School of Life explains why those two letters can be so painful. As the narrator says, no isn’t hard to hear because you’re not getting your way. Instead, it’s because we are trying to avoid the thoughts that we are unlikeable.

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School of Life believes that we all have a negative self image where we appear disgusting. This is the most embarrassing, weakest part of our personalities that we avoid thinking about. When we hear no, as the video explains, this self image is unearthed. We aren’t hearing no, the narrator advises. Instead, we’re hearing our own worst attributes — that we’re delusional, clumsy or repulsive.

To get over this, we need to accept that everyone has their good and bad qualities. And that’s OK. School of Life presses for viewers to remember that when others say no, it has nothing to do with us. It's not rejection. In fact, the real reason people say no is because it doesn’t fit in with their plans.

Think about the last time you said no. Did you do it because you actually hated the person or because the request was an inconvenience? The true reason is probably the latter, The School of Life would argue.

The narrator believes that most people would be willing to give their money and time freely if only others would ask. The problem is that many of us are so hesitant to ask that we will never experience the joys of a yes. The video prompts viewers to think about asking for favors as collecting data. Of course you might receive a no, but it’s never as bad as you think. Don’t be scared of a no, instructs The School of Life. Instead, be scared of not being fulfilled by asking for what you want.

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For more about why hearing no is so hard, watch the video:

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